Age of Mythology: Extended Edition and Tale of the Dragon Thoughts

Age of Mythology was a very important game in my youth. It took everything I loved about the excellent Age of Empires series and spiced things up with the addition of spectacularly powerful god powers and myth units. It spurred an interest in ancient mythologies (especially Norse mythology) that continues to this day.

The meteor god power in the Age of Mythology Extended EditionIt deserved to go on to become one of the great franchises of the real time strategy genre, but for whatever reason, it didn’t. It had one expansion, The Titans, and then vanished into obscurity, its vast potential largely wasted.

So I was happy to see Age of Mythology given a second lease on life when it rereleased on Steam as the “Extended Edition,” with updated graphics and full Steam support.

Admittedly, the new graphics don’t make a huge difference. The lighting is a bit more realistic, the water’s a little prettier, and I think the textures are a bit more detailed, but it’s not a major overhaul. The good news is AoM was a very good-looking game in its day, so it hasn’t aged as badly as it might have.

The Extended Edition also includes an extra mini-campaign called The Golden Gift. Apparently this was something Microsoft put out back in the day but which I somehow never knew about. An extra four Norse missions is certainly nice to have, though if I’m being honest it’s not an especially remarkable campaign.

Where things really got exciting was when it was announced there would be an all-new expansion to the Extended Edition: The Tale of the Dragon, featuring the Chinese as a new playable civilization.

A Chinese army in Age of Mythology: Tale of the DragonI bought Tale of the Dragon immediately upon release, though it took me a couple weeks to actually get around to playing it, having been distracted by other things.

The mysteries of the East:

Tale of the Dragon turned out to be a bit of a mixed bag, but on the whole, I’m happy with it.

First, the bad news.

The new campaign is, well, not that good. Age of Mythology was never a game with especially memorable storylines, but they were at least basically competent. The characters were memorable, if not deep, and the plots were coherent and engaging, if not particularly complex or thrilling.

Tale of the Dragon’s story, though, is clearly the work of amateurs. There are significant parts of it that just flat-out don’t make sense, and otherwise it’s just shallow and uninteresting in the extreme.

It also has issues with polish. There are some significant bugs, and the difficulty tuning is very inconsistent, effortlessly easy one moment and brutally punishing the next.

A Chinese town in Age of Mythology: Tale of the DragonThat said, the mission design is pretty strong, with a good amount of variety. Even with the story issues, it could have been a good campaign with better quality control.

The good news, however, is that the new Chinese civilization is excellent. It carries the otherwise meh campaign and is great fun in skirmishes (and presumably multiplayer, though I haven’t had the courage to attempt that).

The Chinese aren’t wildly different from previous civilizations, but they have enough new ideas and interesting quirks to feel fresh. A lot of their units break the game’s usual rock/paper/scissors rules. For example, their main cavalry unit, the cataphract, counters infantry. Usually, infantry are the counter to cavalry in AoM.

Their myth units and god powers are also for the most part very fun and interesting. I think it’s a good sign that I’ve spent a tremendous amount of time agonizing over what gods to worship because they’re all so appealing.

Also, the Chinese can unleash giant magical monkeys on their enemies.

Giant magic monkeys.

Monkeys!It’s a small thing, but something else I really like about the Chinese is how pretty their towns are. The new developers managed to get some pretty good results out of the game’s creaky old graphics engine. The Chinese buildings are very detailed and just nice to look at.

I generally hold up Blizzard games as the apex of real time strategy, but one thing StarCraft and Warcarft have never captured is the simple pleasure of building and maintaining your own little city. The Age of _____ games have always done a very good job of that, and it’s more true than ever with how aesthetically pleasing the Chinese villages are.

So even with its hiccups, I would definitely recommend Tale of the Dragon to any Age of Mythology fans.

And if you’re not already a fan, pick up the Extended Edition and remedy that situation immediately.

Retro Review: Immortals

I am really desperate for a good, faithful film adaption of ancient mythology.

Immortals is not that movie.

A shot of Theseus in the movie ImmortalsI went into this movie with fairly low expectations — expecting at best a goofy 300-esque romp — but it still managed to disappoint bitterly.

Ostensibly inspired by Greek mythology, Immortals follows a young Theseus as he battles a mad king who seeks to release the Titans from Tartarus. The king is after a magical bow of incredible power, so the race is on to stop him from getting it.

I won’t waste too much time listing off all the different ways this movie was bad. It was overflowing with cliches, there was no character development to speak of, and so on and so forth. It’s every sin you can expect a mindless action movie to commit.

I don’t even mind a simple popcorn movie from time to time — sometimes you just want to watch stuff blow up without thinking too hard — but Immortals doesn’t even work as a popcorn movie. There’s surprisingly little action for a movie that clearly put no effort at all into its actual story, and the action that does exist is very repetitive and uncreative.

It manages the incredible feat of making the story feel both incredibly rushed and painfully stretched out. There is no foreshadowing or natural development, but this is a movie that is far longer than it needed to be.

What bothers me more than anything, though, is how little this has to do with actual mythology. They’re just using the names — this movie has nothing to do with the actual Greek myths. There is virtually no correlation between the plot of Immortals and the actual myths surrounding Theseus, and the rest of the movie’s mythological elements fare no better.

The Titans, for example, are portrayed as these mindless, inhuman zombie-like creatures, not regal progenitors of the gods. Athena is a dual-wielding ninja for some incomprehensible reason. This is Aegis-bearing Athena we’re talking about, here. Hyperion is psycho mortal king instead of a Titan. Theseus has no connection to Athens…

Much of the movie deals with the law that gods must not interfere with mortals, and Zeus’ fanatical adherence to enforcing it. But there’s nothing like that in Greek mythology. The gods were constantly interfering with the lives of mortals — it was pretty much their thing. This is doubly true of Zeus. Dude couldn’t go two weeks without knocking up some mortal girl. Half of bloody Greece was Zeus’ bastard progeny.

Ancient art of the Greek god ZeusLet’s be clear here: I was not expecting Immortals to be a faithful representation of Greek mythology. But there’s artistic license, and then there’s appropriating and bastardizing a rich cultural heritage to sell tickets. This movie has nothing to do with Greek mythology.

I don’t understand why it’s so hard to find a faithful adaption of ancient mythology. Movie producers seem to think they need to sexy up the old stories, but they really don’t. If you actually study ancient mythology, you know that it’s already full of so much absurd sex and violence it could pass as a Game of Thrones episode.

If anything, they might have to tone things down a bit.

I can’t help but compare Immortals to 300. 300 clearly wasn’t trying to be slavishly accurate to history, yet the broad strokes of the story were remarkably accurate to the true events of the Battle of Thermopylae, and I when I studied the Greek-Persian War, I was amazed to learn how much of the movie’s events and dialogue are taken straight from the pages of history.

That whole “tonight we dine in Hell” speech? If you trust the historical records, Leonidas really said all that.

300 was also far more creative and colourful in its action scenes, and it did not waste time, focusing on the bloodshed we all wanted to see. Despite that, it was still a movie with some heart and a relatively strong amount of character development.

Immortals has none of that. I could forgive it being crude and poorly written. I could maybe even forgive it being a ludicrously inaccurate debauchery of the Greek myths. But on top of all that, it’s also frightfully dull, and that just can’t be forgiven.

I have only two good things to say about this movie.

One is that I thought it was cool that the super powerful magical weapon is a bow this time around instead of a sword. That’s a nice change of pace. Too bad the bow is hardly ever used for anything.

Mickey Rourke as King Hyperion in ImmortalsThe other is that Mickey Rourke is very good as King Hyperion. The character is written terribly, but Rourke portrays him with a great deal of gravitas, and he’s chillingly convincing as a brilliant but cruel despot.

Those things aren’t anywhere near enough to save this trainwreck of a movie, though.

Overall rating: 3.3/10 Just don’t.