Retro Review: Once Upon a Time, Season One: Episodes 6-12

I continue with my binge watch of Once Upon a Time. As usual, expect some spoilers.

The logo for Once Upon a Time“The Heart Is a Lonely Hunter”:

The last few episodes have been mostly about fleshing out the backstories of various cast members, and while that’s valuable, it was getting a bit repetitive.

Now, things are moving.

The focus this time is on Graham, the sheriff, who I had largely ignored up until now. An encounter with Emma grants him shocking visions of another world and another life: His life before Storybrook.

Feverish and panicked, Graham goes all across town and through the woods in a search of answers. With the help of Mary Margaret and Henry, he’s able to put the pieces together.

He was the huntsman sent to kill Snow White. The huntsman who failed, and who was punished severely by the queen. And as his memories return, his rebellion against Regina will earn him a harsher fate still.

This episode seems to mark a turning point. This is the first time the true nature of Storybrook has manifested as more than Henry’s outlandish claims and a series of strange coincidences. If Emma and Mary don’t start suspecting something is up now, I’ll be both surprised and disappointed.

Snow White in Once Upon a TimeThis is also the first time Regina has made good on one of her ominous but vague threats, which is very welcome because she was starting to feel a bit toothless.

Best laugh of the series to date: Mr. Gold — inexplicably in the middle of the forest wearing a leather apron and carrying a shovel — saying he hasn’t seen anything unusual.

Overall rating: 8.1/10

“Desperate Souls”:

This is another “origin story” episode. Rumpelstiltskin, this time.

Back in the land of magic, Rumpelstiltskin — a wretched coward loathed by all — is desperate to prevent his son from being conscripted into the army of a corrupt duke. His only hope is to steal the powers of a terrible dark wizard and claim them for his own.

In Storybrook, an election is held to find a replacement for Graham, and Emma faces off against one of Regina’s puppets. Mr. Gold cuts a deal with her to help her win… by any means necessary.

Robert Carlyle as Rumpelstiltskin in Once Upon a TimeThis is on the whole an unremarkable episode. It’s quite predictable and feels mostly like filler — of course Emma is going to win the election.

It’s also rather disappointing that Emma still doesn’t seem to put any weight into Henry’s ideas even after everything that happened with Graham. I realize it’s far-fetched, but she ought to realize something weird is going on by now.

I am reminded that in my earlier experiences with this show, I thought Emma came across as rather dense. I remember why I felt that way.

However, Robert Carlyle makes it worthwhile. He just oozes sleaziness, and he’s got creepy down to a fine art. This is probably the most attention he’s gotten so far, and that saves an otherwise bland episode.

Overall rating: 7.2/10

“True North”:

Since when do police cars have window controls in the backseat?

Lana Parilla as Regina Mills in Once Upon a TimeThat one little bit of silliness aside, “True North” was a solid episode, though I doubt an important one in the greater scheme of things.

This time, it’s the story of Hansel and Gretel. And it doesn’t really differ that much from the traditional story, aside from a little involvement by Regina.

The Storybrook side of things is a bit more interesting, with the kids as orphans about to be shipped off to foster homes.

Once Upon a Time often treads a fine line between being touching and cloying, but for the most part, this episode stays on the good side of that line. Even Emma manages to put on a decent performance for once.

The only knock against this episode is that it feels very much like filler, doing nothing to advance the main storyline.

Overall rating: 7.4/10

“7:15AM”:

Snow White and Prince Charming in Once Upon a TimeThis episode is a great example of why I usually hate romance stories.

We all know Snow White and Prince Charming are going to be together, in both worlds. That’s blindingly obvious. Yet this episode spends nearly all its time trying desperately to convince us that’s somehow in doubt.

Hint: It isn’t.

It’s a waste of time, plain and simple. There’s no drama, because the outcome isn’t remotely in question. This is a story masturbating.

The only saving grace of this episode is that Grumpy is pretty awesome.

Overall rating: 4/10

“Fruit of the Poisonous Tree”:

It’s time for another origin story. This one is for Sidney, who was Regina’s mirror (“Mirror, mirror, on the wall…”) in the fantasy world. He was originally a Genii who was freed by Regina’s then-husband, but as is always the case when magical wish-granting is involved, things get ugly before too long.

In Storybrook, Emma and a seemingly embittered Sidney go to extreme lengths to discredit Regina.

The magic mirror in Once Upon a TimeMostly, I enjoyed this episode. It was nice to see Sidney get some development, and once again the weaving of different stories and the real world was very clever, particularly the concept of how wishes always go wrong.

It didn’t really advance the story in any meaningful way, though, and the revelation that Sidney is just a sleazy bootlick after all rather invalidated his character development from earlier in the episode.

Overall rating: 7.1/10

“Skin Deep”:

Rumpelstiltskin is easily the best part of this show.

I’m not just saying that because Robert Carlyle is an amazing actor — although he is. Emma aside, there’s a lot of good acting on this show, but he blows everyone else out of the water.

But there’s more than that. Rumpelstiltskin, more than anyone else, embodies the soul of Once Upon a Time’s source material. And I don’t mean old Disney movies.

Belle and Rumpelstiltskin in Once Upon a TimeRumpelstiltskin harkens back to the old days of fairytales, where all magic came at a terrible cost, where dark things stalked the night, and where happy endings were a rarity. He is a chillingly stark yet refreshing contrast to the at-times cloying sweetness of the rest of the show, and this episode is a great example of that.

“Skin Deep,” as you might have guessed, focuses on Rumpelstiltskin/Mr. Gold. It’s a retelling of Beauty and the Beast, with him playing the role of Beast. But this isn’t the story we’re familiar with. There’s no “happily ever after” here. A little interference from Regina coupled with Rumpelstiltskin’s own demons soon shatters his relationship with Belle, and things spiral out of control from there.

This episode goes to some seriously dark places by Once Upon a Time standards, and that brutality contrasts brilliantly with the tenderness of Rumpelstiltskin and Belle’s budding love. It all makes for what is easily the most shocking and powerful episode of the series to date.

On the downside, the parts of “Skin Deep” that didn’t involve Robert Carlyle were quite lame: David and Mary Margaret’s continued time wastery, and a random appearance by Cinderella for some reason. Thankfully, those bits are mercifully brief.

Overall rating: 8.8/10

Gaming Round-Up: Heroes, D3, TSW, and Skyforge

I had a bunch of gaming topics I wanted to discuss that wouldn’t quite fill up a post on their own, so I decided I’d just jam them all together.

My team loading into a match in Heroes of the StormLet’s get to it!

Heroes of the Storm: The two queens

This week saw a big patch for Heroes of the Storm, bringing with it the long-awaited release of Sylvanas Windrunner.

Since the patch also included increased leveling rewards — awarded retroactively to those of us already max level — I had an abundance of gold, and I bought Sylvanas at her starting price of 15K gold, also treating myself to her ranger-general skin.

Initially, I found myself somewhat disappointed with Sylvanas’ incarnation in Heroes. She felt very weak, and I struggled badly.

The problem is that she is incredibly squishy, and while her mobility seems good on paper, it’s often impractical. Her teleport relies on a projectile with a travel time that is hardly any faster than normal hero movement speed, and while Withering Fire can be shot on the move, it needs talents to really be a practical choice for harassment or chasing enemies.

I capture some mercenary camps as Sylvanas Windrunner in Heroes of the StormHowever, I refused to give up, and after getting some practice in and experimenting with different talent builds, I managed to achieve a decent level of success. She’s still significantly weaker than other specialists in a lot of ways — she can’t solo grave golems, for instance — but she does have her advantages. If left uncontested, her push power is incredible, and she’s excellent at countering enemy mercenaries and minion waves

Also, her team fight potential is pretty good by specialist standards, though not really much better than Nazeebo’s and Zagara’s, and she is a bit like Illidan in that she excels at finishing off wounded enemies.

Actually, she reminds me of Illidan a lot of ways. They both require extremely high APM compared to other characters, they’re both obscenely squishy but highly mobile, and they’re both heroes who can be either devastatingly powerful or borderline useless depending on the situation and the person controlling them.

I still think she could maybe use a buff to her survivability, either in the form of more health, more reliable self-healing, or a more practical escape tool. Seriously, Banshee Wave is the least practical teleport ever. You can pull off some incredible stunts with it… but you probably won’t. It’s not a good sign when a hero with a built-in teleport still needs to take Bolt of the Storm at level twenty.

The other big ticket item for this patch is the new map, Tomb of the Spider Queen. It’s not quite as bad as I worried it would be, and it’s definitely not as tedious as Dragonshire, but it is a fairly uninspiring map.

The load screen for the Tomb of the Spider Queen map in Heroes of the StormThe game isn’t even out of beta yet, so I doubt Blizzard has already run out of ideas for interesting map mechanics, but that’s the impression one gets from Tomb of the Spider Queen. The map objective basically boils down to, “push lanes so that you can periodically push lanes a little harder”. It feels far more like a traditional MOBA than other Heroes maps, and it’s definitely not as exciting as rushing for a tribute on Cursed Hollow or battling over temples on Sky Temple.

There’s also less team fighting, and mercenaries play a much smaller role since any time you’re not in lane is time you’re not gathering crystals from the enemy creeps.

The map could really use some alternative sources for crystals, like merc camps or occasional crystal dumps similar to the treasure chests on Blackheart’s Bay.

I was also a bit disappointed this patch didn’t include the previewed option to permanently mute team chat — not sure if that’s still coming or not. The unending nastiness of people in this game is really starting to drive me up the wall.

Diablo III: Greed is good

I haven’t been playing Diablo III on any kind of a regular basis for quite some time, but I still pop into it once in a while. It’s a great game to just jump into whenever you have some spare time, and it’s good for stress relief.

The Vault zone in Diablo III

WHAT RICHES

So I found myself running through the lands of Sanctuary again, and I came across some interesting new additions since the last time I’d played.

Since D3 launched, there have been hints of a mythical realm filled with riches hoarded by the treasure goblins, and of the demon who rules over it: Greed.

Ever since, players have longed to explore this place, and now that’s finally possible. Treasure goblins will now rarely leave behind a portal to Greed’s Vault on death, and I was lucky enough to find one.

It is everything I dreamed of. In twenty minutes, I acquired thirty-one million gold, several hundred blood shards, three legendary items, and a rough estimate of an assload of high level gems.

Granted, this was while the community buff with double gold find was active, but still. Talk about a goody room.

The loot after defeating Greed in the Vault in Diablo IIIThis also feels like a good time to mention that my wizard has a legendary item which grants her experience equal to any gold she picks up.

It culminates with a boss fight against Greed herself, who has the absolute best death animation of any boss ever. I must have spent a good ten minutes just opening and closing the chest on her head purely for the juicy sound effect.

Shortly thereafter, I encountered another new addition: a rainbow treasure goblin whose death opened a portal to a version of the infamous pony level. Although I’ve never visited the original Whimsyshire, I have encountered Nephalem Rift levels based on it before, so the joy of butchering rainbow ponies was not entirely new to me, but I still couldn’t resist pausing my bounty farming to explore the full map. Was a nice break from the usual grind.

I’m really impressed that Blizzard continues adding meaningful new content to D3 post launch. Sure, these aren’t huge additions, but this is a game that has absolutely no monetization beyond box sales. Blizzard doesn’t get much, if anything, from adding these new Easter eggs. It’s just a gift to the players.

Whatever issues D3 may have had at launch, it has earned a lot of respect from me.

My wizard exploring the Whimsydale zone in Diablo IIITSW shoves its bag in our face:

This week has also seen a return of the golden golem event in The Secret World. Between a certain degree of burnout and still being a little unhappy with recent events, I haven’t participated all that much, but I did log in long off to buy the latest loot party bag.

Yes, yet another.

It’s starting to feel like Funcom has gone a little mad with power with these things. They started as a special holiday thing, but now they’re taking any excuse to churn them out.

A lot of people are getting fed-up, and there’s a big backlash from certain members of the community. For my part, I am a bit fatigued on the bags myself, but mostly just because they don’t feel exciting or special anymore.

I’m certainly not as bothered as some others. As far as ways to monetize the game goes, this one is relatively harmless. All the rewards are cosmetic, most can be traded, and it can create fun social events. I’m in the habit of running to Kingsmouth and dumping the loot on newbies — seems like they’d enjoy it the most, and I figure if I can give them a positive experience early on, it might encourage them to keep going with the game.

My Dragon demonstrates the new /dance_rockabilly emote in The Secret WorldAnd I do really love the /dance_rockabilly emote from this most recent one.

“Gatecrasher, know that you stand before one charged by Amaterasu and blessed by Gaia!”

…It’s funny how Firefox’s spell check is lacking all kinds of everyday words, but it has “Amaterasu.”

Anyway, on the whole, I don’t think the loot bags are a problem for TSW, but I can sympathize with feeling a bit fatigued by them.

Skyforge’s class reveal:

I’m still not sure what to make of Skyforge, but a recent reveal of their full list of launch classes nudged me back towards the “excitement” category.

Firstly, there are a lot of them. Thirteen to be precise, which is a pretty huge number, especially for a new MMO. World of Warcraft only has eleven, and it’s ten years old.

A preview image of the berserker and kinetic classes from SkyforgeThere’s also a very interesting mix of standard archetypes — paladin, cryomancer, archer — along with more unusual concepts. There’s an alchemist class, which is a very rare archetype that intrigues me. They’re also launching with a monk class, which is an archetype I feel deserves much more attention than it gets.

But by far the most interesting one to me is the kinetic, which uses special gloves to manipulate gravity, hurl boulders, and generally wreak havoc.

That sounds awesome.

I’m still wary of getting excited about Skyforge, though. Word of mouth from the beta is decidedly mixed, and supposedly the developer’s parent companies has ties to the Kremlin, which is rather unnerving given recent world events. I’m not sure I want to support something like that… though I’m sure it wouldn’t be the first product with a shady pedigree I’ve supported. Nobody’s hands are totally clean in this day and age.

Sigh… I’m so conflicted.