My Most “Tinfoil Hat” Warcraft Theories

If you’re a fan of the story in Warcraft — or any franchise, really — you no doubt have some conspiracy theories surrounding past events or future plot twists. Of course, I’m no exception.

Just for fun, I thought I’d post some of my more tinfoil-laden theories about WoW’s story. These range from vaguely plausible to fairly ridiculous.

Mogu = proto-Orcs:

Battling the Alliance in the rain in the Jade ForestThis has been in my mind since the first piece of Mogu concept art I saw. It shows a large, mean, green fellow with tusks.

Sound familiar?

Even considering most of them aren’t green — and that Orcs were not originally green — the physical resemblance between Orcs and Mogu is fairly eerie.

But Mogu and Orcs are from different worlds. How could they be related? I think the answer is they’re not… not exactly.

We know the Mogu were originally Titan creations. They fought the Old Gods and helped to shape the world. They became corrupted after being afflicted by the Curse of Flesh. This is a very similar story to how the Dwarves, the Gnomes, the Tol’vir, and the Vrykul came to be.

It’s never been explicitly stated that the Titans visited Draenor, but it seems likely. I’m of the impression any world that is not nightmarish chaos has been ordered by the Titans. We do know that there were Old Gods on Draenor, and where there are Old Gods, there’s usually Titan involvement.

My theory is that the Mogu, or something very much like them, existed on ancient Draenor independent of the Azerothian Mogu. They were afflicted by the Curse of Flesh more severely than on Azeroth and eventually evolved (devolved?) into Orcs, similar to how the Curse caused humanity to evolve from the Vrykul.

Deathwing’s fall was according to plan:

My rogue at the Maelstrom in the Dragon Soul raid, about to take on Madness of DeathwingI think we can all agree that the end of Cataclysm felt a little too neat and easy. But I think this was entirely deliberate on Blizzard’s part. I think the events of Cataclysm, including Deathwing’s defeat, were all part of a larger plan by the Old Gods that has yet to reach fruition.

Think about what Deathwing’s goal was. He sought to destroy the Dragon Aspects, including himself, so that the Old Gods could reclaim Azeroth without the opposition of the Titans’ greatest remaining servants.

And that’s exactly what Deathwing achieved. The Aspects spent their power to destroy him, and Azeroth’s defense now falls to mortals — mortals who are so very easy to corrupt.

The Old Gods lost one of their more powerful tools, but they defeated their greatest enemies in the process, and Deathwing was always unreliable as a pawn. He was so mad that he had turned against his masters in the past.

All in all, the events of Cataclysm seem to have played out pretty well for the Old Gods. The Aspects are gone, us mortals have been lulled into a false sense of security by our seeming victory, and the Old Gods are free to plot their next move. They have no problem playing the long game.

Old Gods are madness elementals:

WhispersA lot of tinfoil hat theories involve the Old Gods. They lend themselves well to it, since we still know so little about them.

This one relates to their true nature, and it’s inspired by their connection to the elementals. The elementals are some of the original servants of the Old Gods, and this led me to believe that the Old Gods are themselves elementals of a sort: madness elementals.

Now, “madness elementals” is a pretty dumb term, but it’s the best phrase I can come up with to describe what I mean.

Think of it this way. Ragnaros is the sentient incarnation of fire. He is a fully self aware being. He has thoughts, plans, strategies, and something approaching a personality. But at a fundamental level, he’s still fire. His main desire in life is to consume fuel and burn brighter.

In the same way, I view the Old Gods as sentient incarnations of insanity. They’re self aware, they think, they strategize. But at their core, they’re really just insanity made manifest. Nothing about them makes sense, and that’s how they like it.

My paladin confronts Ragnaros the Firelord in FirelandsThis is why the Old Gods’ minions constantly fight each other. This is why their plans often blow up in their faces, why their servants are so unreliable, and why they’re generally so chaotic as to make the Burning Legion seem sane and calm by comparison.

And this is why, despite all that, the Old Gods are still making progress in reclaiming their world. It doesn’t matter that all their plans spiral into chaotic clusterfracks. Chaos, irrationality, and madness all feed the Old Gods, even if it seems to set them back in the short term. The Old Gods are insanity incarnate, and the less the world makes sense, the more powerful they are.

Sylvanas mind-controlled Thrall:

This one is the most far-fetched, but I’ll include it anyway.

Basically, this theory was my way of explaining how out of character Thrall was through much of WoW’s lifespan. If Sylvanas was mind-controlling him, it explains why he would let the Forsaken into the Horde, why he wouldn’t kick them out even after they went rogue at Angrathar, and why he tolerated rogue elements within the Horde like the Defilers and the Warsong Clan.

We know that Sylvanas has incredible powers of mind control, though it’s been largely forgotten in recent times. This was a large part of how she established the Forsaken empire — by dominating the local humans, Gnolls, Trolls, Ogres, and Murlocs.

Art of Sylvanas WindrunnerTo be clear, I don’t think Thrall was ever her puppet. His mind is too strong for that. I think she just manipulated him subtly. I think she nudged him where she wanted him to go, tipping the scales when he was making difficult decisions.

Her reasons for making him bring the Forsaken into the Horde should be obvious, but why the other stuff?

Because the Forsaken need war. The whole reason the Horde tolerates them is because the Forsaken provide a crucial foothold in the Eastern Kingdoms. If things cooled down between the Horde and the Alliance, the Forsaken would no longer be needed.

So she made Thrall betray his desire for peace. She made him send outriders into Warsong Gulch. She made him tolerate the atrocities committed by her people in the Eastern Kingdoms.

Or so my theory went. Sylvanas’s issues with Garrosh largely disprove it. If she had that much power, she’d either have manipulated Garrosh the same way or prevented Thrall from picking Garrosh in the first place.

sylvanas-windrunnerNew article:

My latest list at WhatMMO is 6 Most Iconic MMO Characters. Just remember that, in the final hour, all must serve the one true king…

The Game Hopper Shuffle

As my regular readers know, I’ve become something of a game hopper as of late, but this new habit has reached extreme levels over the past few weeks, with me stumbling drunkenly between nearly half a dozen different games — not entirely by choice.

I’ve considered doing posts on each game, but I don’t have a huge amount to say about all of them, so I’ll just do a quick rundown on what games I’ve been playing, and how I’m currently feeling about them.

World of Warcraft: The Blunder King

My warlock engaged in an aerial battle over the Isle of ThunderI’ve been dipping in and out of WoW, but to be honest, I’m having trouble getting excited about it. Part of this is good honest burnout, but part of this is due to how thoroughly unimpressed I am by the new content in 5.2.

I considered doing an entire post on the Isle of Thunder and the new rep grind, but I believe if you can’t say anything nice, you shouldn’t say anything at all.

I have only myself to blame for slogging my way all the way to exalted, but I’m a sucker for Blood Elf lore, and I thought there might be a good story quest at the end.

I thought wrong.

The new raid isn’t really doing it for me, either — to be fair, I’ve only done the first half. It’s not bad, but it’s nothing spectacular. Seems to me like Blizzard just wanted to see how many shades of blue they could cram in a single instance.

My warlock approaching the Black Temple on her quest to acquire green fireThe warlock green fire chain was sort of interesting, but the last boss massacred me, and I don’t want to go back until I have better gear — if I bother at all. Truth be told, I never really cared what colour my fire is.

Actually, the chain sort of reminded me of The Secret World. The stealth elements, as well as the need to be creative and utilize every tool in the box, were very reminiscent of some of the trickier missions in TSW.

Speaking of which…

The Secret World: You don’t make this easy, Funcom

It says something to how utterly brilliant I think TSW is that I’m willing to put up with all the crap it’s thrown my way.

I learned to live with the constant lag. I leveled up my Templar to avoid that jumping puzzle that stumped my Dragon, and just as I was finally getting close to finishing the main story, the 1.6 patch introduced a bug causing repeated crashes.

Sigh.

My Templar showing off her Paladin uniform in The Secret WorldI could still play if I really wanted to, but the crashes every 15 minutes or so are just too frustrating. If this were still a subscription game, I’d be out of mind with rage, but as it is, I’m just kind of vexed.

The bug’s been going on for a couple of weeks now, though, and it’s getting ridiculous. Even considering that a relatively small number of players are effected, and even considering the chaos created by Funcom’s restructuring, this is unacceptable.

But I’ll still go back once it’s finally fixed. This is too good a game to give up on. But boy, they don’t make it easy to be dedicated.

Mirror’s Edge: A bitter disappointment

With WoW boring me and TSW on the fritz, I next turned to Mirror’s Edge, a game I bought during a Steam sale several months ago but hadn’t gotten around to playing. I normally don’t buy games if I can’t play a demo first, but it was cheap, and the parkour-inspired gameplay looked absolutely mind-blowing.

Mirror's EdgeThis game breaks my heart. Everything I saw of the game was awesome: beautiful graphics, thrilling and unique gameplay, an intriguing story, some of the best sound effects I’ve ever heard…

But I can’t play it. I just don’t have the skills. I’ve always been terrible at jumping puzzles, and I just don’t have the reflexes or dexterity for a game like Mirror’s Edge. It only took me until the second mission to get irreparably stuck.

I place the blame for this entirely on myself. I’m sure it’s an excellent game for those more skilled than I.

So it was time to move on again.

Mass Effect 3: Okay, I get it now

This brings me to my latest pick: Mass Effect 3. As you may remember, my feelings on the series to date are lukewarm at best, and I’ve heard nothing but bad things about ME3, so my expectations were low. I was curious enough about how the story ended to pick it up on sale at Origin, though.

London burning in Mass Effect 3And to my great surprise, I’m actually enjoying it a fair bit. I’m not done yet, so there’s still time for it to piss me off, but thus far, it’s proving pretty engaging.

ME2 was a brilliant game strangled by a vast amount of filler and busywork. ME3 largely solves that by taking out most — though not quite all — of the filler. The irritating grind of recruitment and loyalty missions is gone, and scanning planets doesn’t even make me want to punch kittens anymore.

Better yet, virtually every mission is tied into the main story in some way. Where ME2 was scattered and rambling, ME3 is focused and epic.

Not to say that I don’t still have complaints. I do get the impression Bioware designed a “choose your own adventure” novel, not a game, and I still don’t like the decision system. It’s too opaque, and too all or nothing. I have on more than one occasion made a decision I did not want to because I misunderstood the nature of the choice.

Considering the whole point of the game is to choose your own path and decide your own story, that’s a pretty big flaw.
The squad members of Mass Effect 3Also, as a blogger, the inability to take screenshots is annoying. I worked very hard to make my Shepard look as much like Nova Terra as possible. I want to show her off, dagnabbit.

I’ll probably do a more detailed post on ME3 once I finish it.

Writing news:

My second article for ADANAI has gone up: Top Ten PC Games of All Time. It was difficult to strike a balance between my own personal opinions and the prevailing feelings of the gaming community. After all, it’s top ten, not my favourite ten, but I couldn’t ignore my own views completely.

Also, if you missed it, I’m putting out a few books soon. Make sure to follow Worlspectrum.net for all the latest updates on the World Spectrum series, as well as exclusive lore, stories, and excerpts.