My Most “Tinfoil Hat” Warcraft Theories

If you’re a fan of the story in Warcraft — or any franchise, really — you no doubt have some conspiracy theories surrounding past events or future plot twists. Of course, I’m no exception.

Just for fun, I thought I’d post some of my more tinfoil-laden theories about WoW’s story. These range from vaguely plausible to fairly ridiculous.

Mogu = proto-Orcs:

Battling the Alliance in the rain in the Jade ForestThis has been in my mind since the first piece of Mogu concept art I saw. It shows a large, mean, green fellow with tusks.

Sound familiar?

Even considering most of them aren’t green — and that Orcs were not originally green — the physical resemblance between Orcs and Mogu is fairly eerie.

But Mogu and Orcs are from different worlds. How could they be related? I think the answer is they’re not… not exactly.

We know the Mogu were originally Titan creations. They fought the Old Gods and helped to shape the world. They became corrupted after being afflicted by the Curse of Flesh. This is a very similar story to how the Dwarves, the Gnomes, the Tol’vir, and the Vrykul came to be.

It’s never been explicitly stated that the Titans visited Draenor, but it seems likely. I’m of the impression any world that is not nightmarish chaos has been ordered by the Titans. We do know that there were Old Gods on Draenor, and where there are Old Gods, there’s usually Titan involvement.

My theory is that the Mogu, or something very much like them, existed on ancient Draenor independent of the Azerothian Mogu. They were afflicted by the Curse of Flesh more severely than on Azeroth and eventually evolved (devolved?) into Orcs, similar to how the Curse caused humanity to evolve from the Vrykul.

Deathwing’s fall was according to plan:

My rogue at the Maelstrom in the Dragon Soul raid, about to take on Madness of DeathwingI think we can all agree that the end of Cataclysm felt a little too neat and easy. But I think this was entirely deliberate on Blizzard’s part. I think the events of Cataclysm, including Deathwing’s defeat, were all part of a larger plan by the Old Gods that has yet to reach fruition.

Think about what Deathwing’s goal was. He sought to destroy the Dragon Aspects, including himself, so that the Old Gods could reclaim Azeroth without the opposition of the Titans’ greatest remaining servants.

And that’s exactly what Deathwing achieved. The Aspects spent their power to destroy him, and Azeroth’s defense now falls to mortals — mortals who are so very easy to corrupt.

The Old Gods lost one of their more powerful tools, but they defeated their greatest enemies in the process, and Deathwing was always unreliable as a pawn. He was so mad that he had turned against his masters in the past.

All in all, the events of Cataclysm seem to have played out pretty well for the Old Gods. The Aspects are gone, us mortals have been lulled into a false sense of security by our seeming victory, and the Old Gods are free to plot their next move. They have no problem playing the long game.

Old Gods are madness elementals:

WhispersA lot of tinfoil hat theories involve the Old Gods. They lend themselves well to it, since we still know so little about them.

This one relates to their true nature, and it’s inspired by their connection to the elementals. The elementals are some of the original servants of the Old Gods, and this led me to believe that the Old Gods are themselves elementals of a sort: madness elementals.

Now, “madness elementals” is a pretty dumb term, but it’s the best phrase I can come up with to describe what I mean.

Think of it this way. Ragnaros is the sentient incarnation of fire. He is a fully self aware being. He has thoughts, plans, strategies, and something approaching a personality. But at a fundamental level, he’s still fire. His main desire in life is to consume fuel and burn brighter.

In the same way, I view the Old Gods as sentient incarnations of insanity. They’re self aware, they think, they strategize. But at their core, they’re really just insanity made manifest. Nothing about them makes sense, and that’s how they like it.

My paladin confronts Ragnaros the Firelord in FirelandsThis is why the Old Gods’ minions constantly fight each other. This is why their plans often blow up in their faces, why their servants are so unreliable, and why they’re generally so chaotic as to make the Burning Legion seem sane and calm by comparison.

And this is why, despite all that, the Old Gods are still making progress in reclaiming their world. It doesn’t matter that all their plans spiral into chaotic clusterfracks. Chaos, irrationality, and madness all feed the Old Gods, even if it seems to set them back in the short term. The Old Gods are insanity incarnate, and the less the world makes sense, the more powerful they are.

Sylvanas mind-controlled Thrall:

This one is the most far-fetched, but I’ll include it anyway.

Basically, this theory was my way of explaining how out of character Thrall was through much of WoW’s lifespan. If Sylvanas was mind-controlling him, it explains why he would let the Forsaken into the Horde, why he wouldn’t kick them out even after they went rogue at Angrathar, and why he tolerated rogue elements within the Horde like the Defilers and the Warsong Clan.

We know that Sylvanas has incredible powers of mind control, though it’s been largely forgotten in recent times. This was a large part of how she established the Forsaken empire — by dominating the local humans, Gnolls, Trolls, Ogres, and Murlocs.

Art of Sylvanas WindrunnerTo be clear, I don’t think Thrall was ever her puppet. His mind is too strong for that. I think she just manipulated him subtly. I think she nudged him where she wanted him to go, tipping the scales when he was making difficult decisions.

Her reasons for making him bring the Forsaken into the Horde should be obvious, but why the other stuff?

Because the Forsaken need war. The whole reason the Horde tolerates them is because the Forsaken provide a crucial foothold in the Eastern Kingdoms. If things cooled down between the Horde and the Alliance, the Forsaken would no longer be needed.

So she made Thrall betray his desire for peace. She made him send outriders into Warsong Gulch. She made him tolerate the atrocities committed by her people in the Eastern Kingdoms.

Or so my theory went. Sylvanas’s issues with Garrosh largely disprove it. If she had that much power, she’d either have manipulated Garrosh the same way or prevented Thrall from picking Garrosh in the first place.

sylvanas-windrunnerNew article:

My latest list at WhatMMO is 6 Most Iconic MMO Characters. Just remember that, in the final hour, all must serve the one true king…

Mass Effect 3: Wow

I’ve talked some smack about Bioware in the past. I have repeatedly expressed my opinion that their games, while not bad per se, are extremely overrated. And I stand by my belief in the mediocrity of their other games that I’ve played.

But having finished Mass Effect 3 last night, I almost feel ready to convert and join the legions of Bioware fans. …Almost.

The squad members of Mass Effect 3Warning: Here be spoilers, albeit vague ones.

This is what it should have been all along:

To understand why I loved this game, you need to understand why I was so underwhelmed by Mass Effect 2, so forgive me as I repeat myself briefly.

ME2 was a game with great potential. It had a cast of mostly excellent characters — barring a few weak links like Jack and Jacob — and an epic storyline. The idea of evil robots trying to kill everyone isn’t exactly new, but the Reapers were a sufficiently fresh take on the idea to feel scary.

The problem is that said epic storyline seemed to almost be a side feature to the game. Most of the time was spent building your crew, with each character requiring both a recruitment and a loyalty mission.

This grind was made more tedious by how incredibly repetitive and formulaic these missions were. Virtually every recruitment mission had the player battling mercenaries, and virtually every loyalty mission saw its character betrayed by someone close to them.

The Collector ship attacking a colony in Mass Effect 2The potential was there, but it was drowned by a scattered plot and cookie cutter missions. The best thing Bioware could have done was to get out of the way of their own plot.

And in ME3, that’s exactly what they did.

They couldn’t have addressed my problems with ME2 better if they’d been catering to me specifically. ME3 is exactly what I had hoped the last game would be, and it actually is worthy of the massive hype I’ve seen around the Mass Effect series.

Instead of being scattered, the plot is tightly focused. Nearly every mission ties directly to the main story arc of defeating the Reapers. When new characters are added, they appear organically as part of the storyline instead of as a wrenching detour.

And it’s a Hell of a story. It hits the ground running and never lets you come up for air — in a good way. There’s never a moment’s rest as planet and after planet falls to the Reapers and more and more people are claimed by their unholy crusade to bring order to the cosmos.

There are moments that are downright heart-wrenching. ME3 does a very good job of hammering home the terror of entire civilizations being put to the flame, and the psychological toll it takes on Shepard and his/her companions.

A husk and a cannibal in Mass Effect 3At times, it’s almost hard to keep playing in the face of the horror, but that’s a good thing. This is a game about the end of civilization throughout the galaxy — extinction on an unimaginable scale. It’s not supposed to be happy.

All in all, it’s just an excellent story. The ending could have perhaps offered a bit more detail, but I’m largely satisfied.

I also think I’m starting to understand why the Mass Effect series engenders such fervor and obsession in its fans, and I don’t think it’s down to the quality — at least not entirely. It’s more about how the games are designed.

After a while, the Normandy really does start to feel like home, and the characters like family. Play through a couple games with them, and they start to come to life in a way fictional characters rarely do. I feel like I know Garrus and Tali better than some people I’ve known in real life.

ME3 helps with this by streamlining and improving crew interactions. It’s a simple thing, but not needing to wade through a full cinematic and dialogue tree every time you talk to a character, even if they have nothing new to say, makes a big difference.

Liara and Shepard battle Cerberus troops in Mass Effect 3Seeing the characters move around the ship and interact with each other as well as the player also helps a lot. Tali drunk dialing Javik was almost on the same level of awesome as Mordin’s performance of Gilbert and Sullivan in ME2.

With all that being said, I still had some issues with ME3.

Still not perfect:

Probably my biggest complaint is the way the decision system works in the Mass Effect games. It’s good in theory, and it is one of the great strengths of the game, but it can also fall flat on its face at times.

For one thing, it’s far too easy to make a decision you didn’t want to merely by misunderstanding the nature of the choice being offered or its consequences.

In one hilarious incident, I accidentally blew up an entire planet merely by clicking what turned out to be the wrong button.

The galaxy map in Mass Effect 3I also decided to swallow my discomfort with the concept of in-game romances and get the full Mass Effect experience by hooking up with one of my crew, only to discover that I had already permanently locked myself out of pursuing the character I was interested in by not making advances in the only scene in the entire game where it’s an option.

Ultimately, my Shepard wound up in the “forever alone” category. Art imitates life, I guess.

Since the entire point of the game is to create your own story with your choices, having the system be this obtuse and unforgiving is just unacceptable.

I also felt that Bioware had already decided what the correct choice was in certain scenarios and was only offering other choices for the sake of consistency. The story was so skewed to favour some decisions that the choices became less “go with what you think is right” and more “do the right thing, or be a stupid bitch and ruin it for everyone.”

As a result, I sometimes made decisions I didn’t really agree with because the game guilt-tripped me into it.

The Reapers demolish Vancouver in Mass Effect 3I don’t care for Bioware’s morality systems, either. Dividing everything into rigid categories of “good” or “bad” and assigning numerical values to them just doesn’t work with any real world concept of morality.

It sucks to make a decision you think is right and then have a big red number pop up on your screen, and it also sucks to not be able to make choices you want to because you haven’t rigidly adhered to one kind of choices. You’re penalized for playing a character who isn’t a one-dimensional archetype.

Furthermore, there were some small parts of the story I didn’t care for. For instance, the Illusive Man got too crazy too quickly to be believable, and Thane’s last fight was so ridiculously choreographed that I wound up getting pissed off at the developers rather than Kai Leng.

Finally, while this isn’t necessarily a complaint per se, I’m hard-pressed to even call the Mass Effect series video games. They’re more like advanced choose your own adventure novels with a shooter mini-game tacked on. The gameplay is quite mediocre.

Also, while the story itself is stellar, its integration with the gameplay is virtually nonexistent. I’m left feeling like Bioware wrote a movie script and tried to shoehorn it into a game.

A Reaper destroyer in Mass Effect 3The good outweighs the bad:

Still, I always say the mark of greatness is when you can forgive something’s flaws, and that’s the case here. ME3 was a much better game than I ever could have expected based on the last one, and one of the best gaming experiences I’ve had in recent memory.

Overall rating: 9.1/10

* * *

By the way, I have a couple of questions for any Mass Effect fans reading this.

First, I’ve heard nothing but bad things about ME3. Why didn’t anyone like it? I guess my bad taste strikes again…

Second, what was the original Mass Effect like? Did it more closely resemble ME2, or ME3? After playing ME2, I assumed I didn’t miss much by not playing it, but now I don’t know what to think.